Groucho Marx for President!

[Hannah]

Groucho Marx for President!
Julius Henry, or Groucho, Marx was born October 2nd 1890 at an early age. He began with nothing, and worked himself up to extreme poverty.
Just recently Groucho returned from a trip to Africa. He said in a press conference that, and I quote, “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas I don’t know.” He also commented that, “We tried to extract the tusks, but they were firmly imbedded. Though in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa! But that’s irelephant!”

Groucho will be a leader. He said, “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.” He is that one man, he is a leader. He also is a firm believer in honest men. He said, “There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.” We don’t need a crooked man in office, and Groucho knows how to tell. He will expose corruption.

Groucho Marx has strong views regarding politics, he said, “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.” Groucho will not act according to normal politics, he will lead.

Groucho Marx also is a firm believer in the arts. He loves to tell stories, he said earlier that, “If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.” As far as TV watching goes, he said, “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” He also once commented to his author friend, “From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.” When it comes to art, Groucho has wisdom. He said, “Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.”

When it comes to economic issues, Groucho has the solution. He said, “Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money”.

At a recent UN dinner with some very important people, Groucho really made himself stand out. He commented to one country that harbors terrorists, “Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.” When discussing differing opinions with his opponent, he clearly stated that, “I cannot say that I do not disagree with you.” Groucho is clear and concise. He is the best man for the job.

Groucho does not believe in friendship with Canada. He said to her prime minister,
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.” And, while arguing with him, he stated, “Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.” Groucho Marx has principles, and we need a man with principles in office.

“What about his normal, every day life?” you might ask. Well he said that, “I refuse to join any club that would accept anyone like me as a member.”

At a debate with his opponent, he said, “I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that.” Confidence is what our president needs, and Groucho has that. When referring to his early life, and his appreciation for poetry, he said, “My favorite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.” Groucho Marx like things that tell you something, and that is important. During the debate, he stood up for his views. He said, “I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.” Groucho is not afraid to join clubs, or to beat people over the head, and we need someone who is not afraid, representing our views in the White House.
During a break in the debate, Groucho commented to reporters, “There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.” Groucho like sweet sounds, and that’s the kind of man we need in office.

Groucho is also full of wisdom. He said, “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” He knows the significance of time, and he knows the significance of bananas. He is the man to lead our country. At a post-debate interview, Groucho commented (about his opponents) that, “I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.” Groucho knows how to measure, and he knows how to thrash. Just put a tape measure in his hands and watch those terrorists go flying. Another significant thing that Groucho said after his debate, was while talking to his opponent. He said, “Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.” Though Groucho may sometimes have trouble remembering things, he is not too high to ask for help. That is a sign of a true leader.

The nature of man? Groucho says that, “All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.” He knows what our nature is and he will defend it. Groucho says that, “I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.” Upon leaving a gala, Groucho commented, “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.” Groucho has big plans for his life. He said, “I intend to live forever, or die trying.”

Grouch is the man for the job. He gets things done, and he is smart. He knows what life is about, and he applies his wisdom in every day life. As he said, “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.” A happy president is what we need. Vote Groucho Marx.

[Rodney Rathbone]

He stole my quotes.