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SWOP article

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SWOP article

Post  Danielle Abigail Maxwell on Thu Feb 12, 2009 9:22 pm

I wrote this for my school newspaper, The Page, one day. It never got published because I never actually sent it in. I never thought it perfect enough. Well, I just wanted to show what I could write. And what's been on my mind these past few weeks.


This past week it was SWOP. A time of worship and communion with the whole schoolÖ the leaders were our own classmates. I walked into chapel on Monday knowing Amy was going to speak. And knowing I probably wasnít going to take anything useful away from the whole week.
Boy, was I wrong.

This weekÖ I had never experienced anything like it before. Even though I canít say I took to heart everything everyone said, I did learn more than I thought I would.

It was Friday night. Vespers. And even before it had started, I felt horribly alone. I felt like I never would have friends, never would be accepted here at WWVA, and that I had better friends at my old school. Which unfortunately I canít go back to because it only went to 10th grade. Hence why Iím here at WWVA. I felt tears come to my eyes because I just wanted someone to always be with me, to talk with me, like I saw everyone else have. Then Colin Pummel showed up and asked if he could sit next to me. I silently said thanks to God, even though it was only a temporary fix for one of my ever reaching problems. We talked, and then a few others showed up. Vespers finally started. I sung with my heart because I just loved to sing. I knew I was off-tune, I knew I wasnít very good, but I loved all the words I was saying, and I felt like God was truly listening. It was the first thing that happened that night for me.

Erica spoke next. Her speech was awesome. I liked it a lot. And I could see what she was trying to say. God is the bread of life. She was making breadÖ just not in the way we would, right? RightÖ There was more I could glean from what she was saying than she probably intended.

When Candace, Natalie, Noelle and Mishayla did special music, I felt alone again. And I knew that what Candace had said earlier in the week just wasnít for me. I didnít have a talent. I just canít find one. I could say Iím a good listener, but I just would be fooling myself. I abandoned the guitar a long time agoÖ okay, maybe when I started coming to WWVA. There are many things I just canít measure up to. And then what is left? Well, in the end, nothingÖ If God gave me a talent, then I just havenít found it yet. I just donít have a talent that is unique.

But the most intensifying thing that happened all week long happened after vespers. I said bye to my group of friends and headed for my car. My mind was reeling. Heroes? Of course Iím not perfect. I always feel alone in a crowded room. Oh, why is this happening to me? And as I walked to my car, I started to cry. I felt horrible. I just wanted God to answer my one pleading question. It wasnít because I felt like I had no friends. It wasnít that I had no talent. It more like had to do with my self worth. But it wasnít truly all of that. It was something else. I just kept asking God to help me understand what was wrong with me. I cried twice on my way back to my Auntís house. I just wanted an answer, badly. Iíd been asking for one for the longest time. I just went right out and PLEADED nonstop on the way down the highway. I had to know.

I didnít get an answer, or so I thought. All Sabbath I thought about it. And then it hit me. Something Maressa told me once. Kayla and her advice tooÖ It all came together to give me my supposed answer. I hated feeling like what I got was Godís answer. And even now Iím unsure if that truly is what it is. My friends all tell me good advice... at times. Itís not easy to accept what they say. Iíve tried to get past my problem, but itís hard. If Godís answer is no, then wouldnít he give me peace about it?

I havenít figured out all the answers yet. But I know that this WOP helped me finally just go all out in trying to fix the problem Iím struggling with. Iím not done with my struggle yet. It may not end until the day I graduate from high schoolÖ maybe not even then, but I know that if Godís answer is still coming, I want to know it. And if he truly has given it to me, thenÖ I hope he helps me understand why the answer is no. And hopefully itíll help me see that maybe Iím not completely worthless in the end.
Danielle Abigail Maxwell

Female Number of posts : 227
Age : 26
Location : Alone in a crowded room
Warnings :
Registration date : 2008-09-10

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